Ned the Tree Frog: A Fable
Ned was a tree frog who lived in a bush.
All the other tree frogs lived in big trees in the forest, but Ned had a fear of heights.
One day Ned was hopping around the forest floor when he bumped into Patty the tree frog and her boyfriend, Dirk the tree frog.
Ned had long fancied Patty the tree frog; she had big bulbous orange eyes and her skin was especially slimy and green.
“We’re having a party up in our tree tonight,” Patty told Ned, “why don’t you come?”
“He won’t come to a party in the tree,” Dirk said snidely, “Ned doesn’t like to be in the trees and our tree is the tallest tree in the forest.”
“It’s called acrophobia,” Ned defended himself, “and it’s an officially recognized fear by American Psychiatric Association, Dirk.”
“You really need to grow a pair,” Patty told Ned.
“I’m a tree frog,” Ned told Patty, “that means my genitalia consists of two interior testicles and spermatic canal. I have a pair; you just can’t see them because they’re inside my body.”
“We all have a spermatic canal, Ned,” Dirk snarked.
You’re a spermatic canal, Ned thought but could bring himself to say.
“Ned would rather stay down here on the ground like a common toad.,” Dirk told Patty in the snide way a tree frog who was a spermatic canal might.
“Some of my best friends are toads,” Ned told them.
At that Dirk and Patty laughed at Ned and hopped away to have their party.
Suddenly Ned felt very sad and very alone.
That night Ned sat in his bush with some of his toad friends and listened to the laughter and frivolity happening in the tree above.
Then one of Ned’s toad friends suggested they some gasoline and burn that tree to the ground.
And that’s what they did.
The other tree frogs never made fun of Ned again.
Don’t be a spermatic canal or your tree might get burned to the ground.
Also, don’t mess with toads.