According to University Hospitals, moving is the third most stressful life event behind the death of a loved one and divorce.
Although, if the death of a loved one is a person you’re divorcing, that would seem to fall under the category of problem solved.
And evidently the people at University Hospitals have never tried to plan a murder; that shit is way more stressful than those other things. People underestimate the logistics that go into a properly planned murder.
Try planning the murder of a loved one–you wouldn’t believe stress headaches you get.
Then on top of dealing with all the stress from planning the murder and the subsequent death of a loved one, you have to move because it’s just creepy living in a house with a body buried in the basement.
Anyway, moving is stressful.
It brings to mind a time I was helping my parents move. As we were loading the truck, a crew of industrious PennDot workers arrived in front of their home and swiftly proceeded to open up a gaping hole at the end of their driveway.
I could intuit immediately that something was amiss because they were PennDot workers who were industrious and working swiftly. The phrase industrious PennDot workers is akin to the phrase kind-hearted Nazis.
Upon depositing a gaping hole at the end of my parents driveway, they packed up and left with the efficiency and alacrity with which they had arrived.
I can recall thinking to myself: what the hell.
And placing a gaping hole at end of my parents driveway seemed to accomplish nothing other than to remedy the problem that there wasn’t a gaping hole at the end of my parents driveway.
Have you ever tried to contact PennDot to get answers about something? It’s easier to contact Hell and get answers from the Devil. Suspiciously both numbers have the same prefix.
In fact, dealing with PennDot should be at the top of any list of stressful events. I’m starting to wonder if these people at University Hospital know anything about stressful events at all.
After spending far more time than is reasonable on the phone with PennDot and its soulless minions without receiving a shred of useful information, the workers just returned and began to fill in the hole.
While there still seemed to be no reason for digging the hole in the first place, I thought I caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a body being dumped into the hole before they began filling it.
It’s all starting to make sense.