idiotprufs

Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

Archive for the day “June 25, 2021”

How to Deal With a Pompous Loudmouthed Prick

Everyone knows someone who’s overbearing and obnoxious.

As you were reading that sentence, somebody’s name popped into your head.

A person who’s ego is so enormous, it blots out the sun.

A person who is aggressively ignorant.

A pompous loudmouthed prick.

And on occasion, that person points their pompous loudmouthed aggression in your direction.

How do you deal with it?

Do you simply try to keep your distance?

You can’t: his bloated face encroaches all boundaries.

Do you attempt to ignore him?

You can’t: his presence is tantamount to being locked in a room with a hundred diseased monkeys all throwing their feces at your face. Some would argue his presence is worse.

I have a solution that is guaranteed to be successful: shoot the pompous loudmouthed prick in the face with a crossbow.

It’s simple. It’s elegant. It’s crazy fun.

Once a person has been shot in the face with a crossbow, their primary concern immediately becomes the fact that they’ve just been shot in the face with a crossbow.

It takes an amazingly short amount of time for the pompous loudmouthed prick’s bloviating to transition to: “Holy shit, you’ve just shot in the face with a crossbow. I’m in a ridiculous amount of pain! There’s so much blood! Why are you laughing?”

Note: it’s probably best not cackle hysterically as the pompous loudmouthed prick bleeds out, but that’s entirely up to you.

I know what’s going through your mind right now: if I shoot somebody in the face with a crossbow, won’t there be ramifications?

Maybe. You probably won’t get invited to as many parties.

But do you really want to go to parties where pompous loudmouthed pricks aren’t being shot in the face with a crossbow?

Of course you don’t–nobody wants that.

I hope reading this post has been an aid to you; I know writing it has helped me.

The crossbow: dealing with loudmouthed pricks since the Middle Ages.

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