idiotpruf

Walmart: Half Eaten Cakes and Jackbooted Thugs

Walmart: home of the jackbooted thug.

I recently happened upon a news story about a woman being banned from a Walmart in Wichita Falls, Texas, because she ate half a cake and refused to pay for the uneaten part.

How dare those totalitarian jackbooted thugs at Walmart.

Who hasn’t felt a little peckish and decided to pop into a Walmart to eat half a cake?

I myself once stopped into a Walmart, wolfed down half a bag of frozen chimichangas, and then stopped by a Lowes to take a crap in one of their display toilets.

Now, I will gladly pay for the chimichangas, but I’m not forking over a single red cent for that toilet; if a toilet doesn’t flush, there should be signage clearly stating so.

Nor will I heed the counsel from my good-for-nothing, parasitic, money-sucking, lawyer who thinks I should pay for the toilet.

Note: I know what you’re thinking: the phrase good-for-nothing, parasitic, money-sucking, lawyer is rife with redundancy. It is indeed.

I’m not allowed in Lowes anymore, but that’s mostly because it’s outside the range of my ankle tether (unrelated issue.)

Listen Walmart, people are going to come into your store hungry. If you leave cake right out in the open, it’s going to be eaten. If a person came into your establishment naked, would you not expect them to take garments from the rack and clothe themselves? I would think you would want them to do so. I would think you would encourage it.

So lay off on all the jackbootedness, people of Walmart.

Whether it’s cake, half a bag of frozen chimichangas, or a two liter bottle of root beer, (it takes an entire two liter bottle of root beer to wash down half a bag of frozen chimichangas) just learn to let things go.

Final Note: why did I eat half a bag of chimichangas still frozen? Because the microwaves are all the way on the other side of the store and they’re not even plugged in. You’ve got a lot of issues to deal with, Walmart.

Sure, she’s all smiles now, but take a crap in one toilet and she gets all crazy with accusation.