idiotpruf

Don’t Say it to Your Boss

Monster.com has compiled a list of things not to say to your boss. Let’s take a look at their list:

1. I need a raise.
2. That just isn’t possible.
3. I can’t stand working with__.
4. I partied too hard last night–I’m so hung over.
5. But I emailed you about that last week.
6. It’s not my fault.
7. I don’t know.
8. But we’ve always done it this way.
9. Let me set you up with__.

I know–this list is ridiculous and useless.

I’ve made some subtle changes to the entries. Here’s what you really can’t say:

1. I need a raise; I can barely steal enough from the office to keep up with the rising cost of cocaine and hookers.
2. That just isn’t possible. I need to take two hours for lunch; it is difficult to get properly drunk in one hour.
3. I can’t stand working with these voices in my head; they keep telling me to kill again.
4. I Partied too hard last night–I was almost too drunk to have sex with your wife.
5. But I emailed you about that last week; I directly indicated to you that a reactor core meltdown was imminent, it’s not my fault if you don’t check your email.
6. It’s not my fault; how was I supposed to know bringing my pet chimpanzees to work would be frowned upon…I’m sure that feces will wash out of your hair.
7. I don’t know. I would be better at my job if your woefully inadequate leadership skills didn’t fail to inspire me on a daily basis.
8. But we’ve always done it this way…you galactically incompetent prick.
9. Let me set you up with my cousin; she’s one of those genuinely well-mannered Neo-Nazi skinheads.

Do see how much more helpful this list is?