Robert Kraft offers a lifetime supply of razors to officials who ‘look the other way’ when they cover the Seahawks’ game balls with super slippery stuff.
Rob Gronkowski is actually a cyborg sent back from the future to kill Sarah Conner.
Tom Brady wears a piece; he’s actually bald a cue ball.
They lace other team’s Gatorade with Viagra.
The New England Patriots’ kicker’s balls are coated with flubber.
Legarrette Blount never passes the joint to the other team.
(Technically this isn’t cheating, but it certainly isn’t polite.)
Bill Belichick had a witch doctor put an ‘interception’ curse on Eli Manning, to keep him out of the Super Bowl.
They steal the other team’s playbook, and replace the plays with Venn Diagrams about ninjas.
Tom Brady illegally deflates his game balls; he artificially inflates his jock strap.
When I said the New England Patriots’ kicker’s balls are coated with flubber, I did mean his testicles.