idiotpruf

The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

Archive for the month “July, 2025”

Medusa Banned from Hair Salon

Island of Sarpedon–Athena, the proprietor of Athena’s Temple of Hair, Nails, and Greek Yogurt, has caused a stir by refusing to serve one of her most loyal customers.

“I’ve been going to Athena’s Temple for years,” a distraught Medusa commented. “Suddenly, it seems that my presence in her salon is a problem.”

“When Medusa and her sisters Stheno and Euryale would stop by, it was delightful,” Athena said. “They were all so easy to deal with, especially Medusa; she had flowing locks of golden hair with nary a split end–unfortunately, things are a little different now.”

“I got involved with Poseidon, became pregnant, and my body went through a few changes,” Medusa demanded, “is that so horrible? Quite frankly, it smacks of body shaming.”

“A few changes?” Athena responded indignantly. “Her hair was transformed into a writhing mass of hissing venomous snakes…and some of them are really mean. And that’s not the worst of it: her face is so hideous, merely gazing upon it turns a person to stone.”

“That’s a terrible thing to say about a person,” Medusa replied when informed of Athena’s statement.

“Do you know what’s even more terrible?” Athena retorted. “Being turned to stone. Did you notice all those statues I have in front of the Temple? They’re all former employees; do you have any idea what that does to your insurance?”

“I don’t deserve this treatment,” Medusa lamented.

“My best haircutter, Janice, sneezed just as she was turned to stone. Now her face is stuck in stone in that ridiculous position forever. Did Janice deserve that?” Athena asked.

“I don’t know what I’ll do now that I can’t go to Athena’s,” Medusa lamented.

“There’s a reptile farm down the street,” Athena replied tersely.

“That’s so very hurtful,” Medusa said as she wiped a tear from one of the serpent’s eyes.

Builder to Sue Three Little Pigs

“It’s given the whole straw house industry a bad name,” Cyril Tottering, the proprietor of Tottering Straw Homes Inc., complained.
Mr. Tottering’s business has taken quite a financial hit since the story of the Three Little Pigs has gotten out.
“Those pigs are blatant liars,” Mr. Tottering asserted, “you can’t just blow down one of my straw houses.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” the First Little Pig said, “The Big Bad Wolf huffed and puffed and coughed a bit; he was a smoker, but then he blew the house down.”
“My straw houses pass rigorous testing,” Mr. Tottering asserted.
“I guess none of that ‘rigorous testing’ involves a lit match,” the Third Little Pig responded snidely. “Tottering came around trying to sell me one of those crappy straw houses; I wouldn’t keep my dung pile in one of those things. My brother, the First Little Pig, kept bragging about how cheap his house was…look where that got him.”
“We could ask Mr. Wolf what really happened, but evidently, the pigs boiled him in oil,” Mr. Tottering explained. “That hardly seems like trustworthy behavior.”
“If you come down someone’s chimney uninvited, boiled in oil is what you’re gonna get,” The Third Little Pig stated. “We’re not just going to allow ourselves to be eaten-not by the hairs on our chinny chin chins.”
“What does that even mean: the hairs on our chinny chin chins? It pisses me off every time they say that.” Mr. Tottering scowled.
Mr. Tottering informed us that he and Mr. Dennis Flimsy, owner of Flimsy Stick Homes Inc., are teaming up to launch a defamation lawsuit against the Three Little Pigs.
“I wouldn’t keep my dung pile in one of those stick houses either,” the Third Little Pig chuckled. “Tottering and Flimsy: pretty aptly described if you ask me.”
“Those are our names!” Mr. Tottering yelled in exasperation.
“It seemed like an excellent deal at the time,” the First Little Pig explained.
“Who would think wolves have such lung capacity?” the Second Little Pig added.
Luckily for the Three Little Pigs, the Third Little Pig’s brick house was impervious to the wolf’s blowing.
“Our brother said that thing about his dung pile again, didn’t he?” the first little pig asked disgustedly.
“Yeah,” the second little pig said in conclusion, “he’s kind of a jerk about that big brick house of his.”

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