I Missed National Slap Day!
Did you know February 15th was National Slap Day?
Neither did I and now we’ve completely missed it; it makes me so angry.
Today is National Almond Day; what the hell am I supposed to do with that?
You might advise me not to cry over spilled milk, but National Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day was February 11th; I missed that one, too.
It makes me so furious that I want to slap someone, but I missed my opportunity.
My life is littered with regrets.
- The time I saw a pretty girl, and I didn’t introduce myself.
- The time I saw a pretty girl, and I did introduce myself. (The pepper spray was entirely uncalled for.)
- Every time I’ve uttered the phrase ‘what’s the worst that could happen’ right before doing something really stupid.
- The time as a child, I tried to melt Play-Doh on the stove.
- The time as an adult, I tried to melt Play-Doh on the stove. (I’m not sure what I thought would have changed, certainly not smoke alarms.)
- The time my uncle told me to grab the electric fence behind my grandmother’s house…and I listened to him.
- The shocking amount of times I’ve underestimated the power of electricity.
- When my girlfriend asked me, “How stupid do you think I am? ” and I gave a quantifying answer.
- The sheer disappointment that is certain to be felt by anyone directed to this blog after searching for National Slap Day just to discover they have missed it.
- The sheer disappointment this blog causes in general.
- My Hello Kitty phase. (I’m just joking–I regret nothing about that!)
- That I have once again missed National Toothache Day.
That’s right. February 9th was National Toothache Day, and it blew right past me.
The decorations never made it out of the box, and I completely forgot about the traditional National Toothache Day dinner: Gummi Bears, Mountain Dew, and a big heaping bowl of molasses, followed by poor oral hygiene.
I’m starting to feel anxious, but National Stress Day isn’t until November 4th.
You have no idea how much that stresses me out!
From this point forward, I’m marking my calendar.
I’ve already circled March 5th: National Multiple Personality Day.
Last year, I relied on one of my other personalities to remind me, but the only thing they ever told me was to kill again.
But this year, we’ll be ready.
idiotpruf 