Muppet vs. Moppet
You have probably seen the recent photos of a disheveled Justin Bieber standing on the side of the street. The story is that Justin assaulted a photographer who was attempting to take a picture of him and Selena Gomez. But that’s not what happened.
Maybe you’ve also heard that he received a concussion while walking into a glass door while leaving the stage at a concert in Paris, France. Do you expect us to believe that anyone is stupid enough to walk into a glass door?–actually, I walked into a glass door once, it really did kind of hurt–Do you expect us to believe that anyone other than myself, is stupid enough to walk into a glass door? That’s not what happened either.
The truth is uglier. Much uglier.
I have an anonymous source who tells me that there is a raging feud going on between Justin Bieber and Beaker the muppet. A feud that at times has become physical.
“Well, Bieber did this thing with Elmo and he was just hanging around back stage, kinda acting like a big shot. So here comes Beaker on his lunch break. Evidently one of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew’s experiments had gone horribly awry that day, which they have a tendency to do. This poor guy had been electrocuted, blown-up, set on fire, covered with spiders, punched in the face, cloned, shrunken and deflated, and that was just his morning. Seriously, the guy was actually deflated once, can you imagine that. So here comes Beaker and he’s all stressed out and what does he see: Justin Bieber sitting there with his feet propped up, chowing down on Beaker’s lunch like he’s king of the world. So Beaker flips out, he’s waving his arms around and he’s yelling, “meep meep meep.” Bieber just starts laughing at him. Beaker tore into him like a frenzied honey badger. They had to be pulled apart, it was ugly. Now every time they see each other bad things happen. Unfortunately Bieber and Beaker tend to run in the same circles, so they’re always bumping into each other. That thing that happen on the street in California, that was no photographer. Go ask Bieber why they found felt under his fingernails. And that thing in France: Bieber just “walked” into that glass door. You know, considering he’s made mostly from felt, Beaker is deceptively strong.”
My anonymous source then had to leave; the chicken waiting for him was getting impatient.
Justin Bieber claims that none of this is true and that he has never had anything but respect for Beaker.
Beaker says, “meep meep meep.”