idiotpruf

Two Birds With One Stone?

You told me you were going to kill two birds with one stone.

Why are you throwing stones at birds? And you’re not just throwing stones at these birds–you’re trying to kill them.

What did these birds ever do to you?

I’d have thought you learned your lesson about throwing stones back when you lived in that glass house.

Besides, throwing stones at birds has never worked out well for you in the past; do you remember the time at the family picnic when that crow crapped on your hotdog, and you threw a stone at it. You missed the crow and hit your Aunt Petunia in the forehead.

I’m sure she deserved to be hit in the forehead with a stone; she’s kind of a nightmare, and her potato salad is disgusting, but your family was still pretty angry with you.

If you can’t kill one bird with one stone, how in the world do you think you’ll kill two birds with one stone?

Physical coordination is not your strong suit. In fact, you don’t really have a strong suit; what you have are varying degrees of weaknesses.

Three of your biggest weaknesses are a terrible temper, poor decision-making, and really bad aim; that’s how your Aunt Petunia would end up with ten stitches in her forehead.

Now, your Aunt Petunia has a scar on her forehead, and your family will never let you live that down; the fact that the scar came out in the shape of a swastika was just bad luck.

Now people refer to her as Charlene Manson–I can’t express how angry your family is at you about that.

You’re clearly not a multitasker; you’re barely even a tasker. If I were you (thankfully, I’m not), I would stick to trying to accomplish one thing at a time.

Seriously, the next time a crow craps on your hotdog, just go get another hotdog. Hotdogs aren’t expensive; they’re way cheaper than the plastic surgery your Aunt Petunia needs to get that swastica off her forehead.

Addendum: On a positive note, the blow to your Aunt Petunia’s head made her forget the recipe for her potato salad; you should get some credit for that.