idiotpruf

Millcreek Mall management has announced the grand opening of a new store just in time for holiday shopping. Lard Emporium has opened in the space that housed the former Sears, which closed last year.

Gooferie spoke to Murray Benklinsky, CEO of Lard Emporium, Inc. “We did our market research, and it shows that Erie, Pennsylvania is definitely a lard eating town!”

As to what sort of items will be sold at the new shop, Benklinsky was effusive in describing the products that will be available. “You want lard? We got lard!” he told us. “The entire store is filled to the brim with lard! We got top shelf imported lard, the kind you used to have to drive to Buffalo to get.  We also got budget lard by the bucketful! Not to mention candied lard for the kiddos, which would make a great stocking stuffer. Deep fried lard, flavored lard…