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Archive for the month “April, 2022”

People and Glass Houses

glass house

You’ve heard the saying that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Why would you live in a glass house, to begin with? It seems to me if you choose to live in a glass house, your decision-making capabilities are already in question.
Do you know how hard it is to insure a house that’s made of glass? Of course, you don’t–you’re not foolish enough to live in a glass house.
I’ll tell you: It’s ridiculously hard to insure a house that’s made of glass; all it takes is one snot-nosed neighbor kid with a slingshot to cause catastrophic damage.
And you can find stones anywhere; they’re literally just lying around.
And throwing stones aside, if you live in a glass house, you shouldn’t be engaging in any activity of questionable behavior; everyone can see what you’re doing.
Those slack-jawed neighbors living across the street, sitting on their front porch all day, smoking cigarettes and gaping vacuously in your direction, already seem to know everything about you. Just imagine if you lived in a glass house.
What kind of weird and disgusting behavior do you think those people have going on in their house? You don’t know because they don’t live in a glass house.
What a stupid saying.

glass houses

My apologies to anyone who came to this post searching for information about the Billy Joel album Glass Houses. To everyone else: I just apologize in general.

Slow and Steady Wins Nothing

There are people who will tell you that slow and steady wins the race.
Don’t buy it; those people are slovenly dull-witted liars who can only win races if they convince everyone else to take it slow and steady.
If you were to make a list of characteristics detrimental to winning a race, being slow would be near the top of the list.
I could argue that being slow is the entire list.
And I don’t want to hear that adding the word steady to the word slow makes it beneficial to winning a race. Being slow and steady simply means you’re consistently slow.
It’s akin to saying a person is smart because they consistently do stupid things, things such as claiming that slow people win races.
People like to put forth Aesop’s Fable of The Hare & the Tortoise as the prime example of slow and steady winning the race.
The Tortoise didn’t win the race because it’s better to be slow and steady; the Tortoise won the race because the Hare was clearly drugged.
You don’t just decide to take a nap in the middle of a race.
The race was being judged by the Fox, and foxes are notoriously untrustworthy and degenerate gamblers.
There are two places you should never allow a fox: inside your henhouse and at the OTB.
A version of the fable details how a great forest fire breaks out the night after the race. The Tortoise being the newly minted fasted animal in the forest is sent to warn the rest of the animals of the forest. Because the Tortoise is slow, nobody is warned, and all the animals of the forest burn to death.
So, the next time you’re in a race, take it slow and steady and see how that works out for you.

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