idiotpruf

The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

Archive for the month “March, 2022”

Keep Your Worm, I’m Sleeping in

I have often heard that the early bird gets the worm.

Well, that is hardly incentive for dragging yourself out of bed in the morning.

Do you know what the early bird does with the worm?

The early bird eats the worm!

Disgusting!

Do you know what worm tastes like? It tastes like worm.

It’s not a coincidence that it’s difficult finding anything in your local supermarket that’s worm flavored. Even in the organic section, things that taste like worm aren’t labeled as such.

Tastes just like real worm, is not a brag often used.

I won’t get up a minute early for frozen waffles; I’m certainly not getting my butt out of bed for a wriggling, slimy, invertebrate, that you’ve just pulled from a manure pile.

I might get up early to avoid eating a worm, but even that’s iffy.

Getting up early in the morning sucks.

For all of those people who walk around early in the morning all chipper and full of enthusiasm: everybody hates you.

When someone greets you in the morning with an ebullient, isn’t it a wonderful day to be here at work at 7:00 am on this beautiful Monday morning, it’s legal to stab them in the face with a plastic fork.

If it’s a Saturday morning and you’re at work: you can use a real fork.

Truthfully, it’s not legal to stab a person in the face with any kind of fork, but if my ballot initiative passes, it will be.

So, you can keep your worm, I’m sleeping in.

Careful, I have a fork.

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