idiotprufs

Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

Christmas and Rutabagas

rutabaga

It’s Christmastime again: the perfect opportunity to brighten the spirits of a loved one with the gift of the rutabaga.

What’s so special about the rutabaga you may ponder–what isn’t so special about the rutabaga is my response.

  • They can be roasted.
  • They can be baked.
  • They can be boiled as a flavor enhancer in soups.
  • They can be boiled as a flavour enhancer in soups in Great Britain. (You wouldn’t believe how much tastier the soup is with that extra U in the word flavour.)
  • They can be thinly julienned as a side dish, in a salad or as a garnish.
  • They can be thinly julienned and used to cleanup oil spills in the driveway.
  • They can be mashed into a paste and used to degrease engines.
  • They can be mashed into a paste and used as a beautifying face cream. (It won’t make you more attractive, but it will cover up your butt-ugly face.)
  • You can make rutabaga ice cream.
  • You can make a rudimentary boiled rutabaga stew that was a staple of famine ridden Europe during the war and pretend you’re living in famine ridden Europe during the war–because pretending is fun.
  • You can chuck them at Joy Behar’s head. (It’s such a huge target.)
  • You can chuck them at the heads of people you’re ambivalent about.
  • You can chuck them at the heads of people you like. (The thunk of a rutabaga bouncing off a human skull is surprisingly satisfying.)
  • You can fill your child’s stocking with them. (But ensure they’re fresh; they can attract flies.)
  • You can use them to attract flies.
  • You can carve them into lanterns as was the old Irish tradition.
  • You can carve them into lanterns and chuck them at Joy Behar’s head. (Hopefully the beginnings of a new tradition.)
  • And finally, you can make the traditional Finnish Christmas dish Lanttulaatikko.
rutabaga dish

Lanttulaatikko is a delicious Finnish Christmas dish–you can also chuck it at Joy Behar’s head.

Addendum: Don’t make rutabaga ice cream…it sucks.

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11 thoughts on “Christmas and Rutabagas

  1. You can substitute rutabagas for apples and have a rutabaga bob, except that rutabagas don’t float.

    Like

  2. This Finnish dish (I’m not even going to try to challenge the Autocorrect with its name) might be delicious, but it looks as the least appetizing dish ever, even if the competition were open to non-food dishes like a that dish that collects used motor oil or a cat’s litterbox.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Mwahaha!!!!!! You could also check them at the local dog’s head- (it makes them smarter)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lanttulaatikko is delicious, even better than perunalaatikko and porkkanalaatikko. The only one I refuse to eat, for obvious reasons is the maksalaatikko.

    Liked by 1 person

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