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idiotprufs

Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

Pet Rhinoceroses

pet rhino

Sure it’s adorable, but it’s a handful.

So your pet rhinoceros has turned out to be more of a handful than you had anticipated.

You’ve horribly underestimated how large rhinoceroses tend to get.

A full grown rhinoceros can knock over a Honda Civic with relative ease. Even when the owner of the Honda Civic and his loudmouthed wife are in the Honda Civic. A rhinoceros can flip over a Honda Civic with just the flick of its horn.

Your neighbor owns a Honda Civic.

Full grown rhinoceroses will eat a lot. And even though it seems illogical, they crap more than they eat.

Rhinoceroses like to crap on rose bushes.

Your neighbor has rose bushes.

Rhinoceroses are angry creatures and they hate garden gnomes; if they see a garden gnome they will stomp on it until it is pulverized.

Your neighbor has garden gnomes.

Did I mention a rhinoceros can puncture the side of a Honda Civic with its horn? It can–and it’s hilarious.

“It’s tipping the car over. It’s tipping the car over,” your neighbor’s loudmouthed wife will scream in horror.

Insurance companies seem reluctant to respond to alleged rhinoceros damage.

You know when you laugh so hard your side hurts and you pee a little: that’s what happens.

Despite all of the positive things I’ve just detailed, you should probably avoid getting a pet rhinoceros.

Get something smaller and more manageable, like a gorilla.

Gorillas just throw their crap at your neighbor and his loudmouthed wife–it’s hilarious.

Just a little rhinoceros damage–it’ll buff right out.

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