Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

You’re Not Really a Bad Person

snidley whiplash

“You can tell by my maniacal sneer I’m a good guy.”

You’re not really a bad person.

Sure, you parked in front of that fire hydrant despite the big sign clearly indicating not to park in front of the fire hydrant. You know, because of all the laws and such.

You couldn’t have possibly known that orphanage would catch on fire.

You did see some smoke coming from the building, but you imagined a nice cozy fire burning in the fireplace…midday in the middle of August.

And while it seemed odd the smoke was emanating from a window and not a chimney, you’re not a fireplace expert.

Besides, it wasn’t very much smoke…at first.

For all you knew, they were just electing a new orphan pope.

And you’re all for freedom of religion, despite that time you punched that Jehovah’s Witness in the face. But he rang the doorbell and got you out of bed…it was barely past noon.

And while you made the decision to argue with the firemen rather than allow them the unimpeded ability to aide the orphans who were now fleeing for their lives from a burning building, we all have our priorities.

Hey! Those firemen put a scratch on your car that isn’t going to buff out.

What’s the big deal anyway? They’re orphans–they’re used to hardship.

You probably shouldn’t have cursed at that nun, but it was a very intense situation. And that crack she made about your future be filled with damnation and hellfire just seemed mean.

No! You are not a bad person at all.

fire forest

Fires make everything nice and toasty warm.


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6 thoughts on “You’re Not Really a Bad Person

  1. I am a bad person. Parking in front of a fire hydrant is small fish. I tear up peace treaties and advise others to do so to. But calling me bad is FAKE NEWS 🤥 Don


  2. I think I’ve only slammed the door in the face of a Jehovah Witness (and I’ve yelled at them), I haven’t quite gotten the nerve to hit one though! When I was young, I used to make my brother answer the door…he’d stand there for hours and let them preach to him…I’d be hiding in the closet laughing myself till I pee’d! I’m not Really a Bad Person…I punched a girl in the stomach once in grade 1 just because every day in her thermos she had warm milk ! I hated warm milk!! I’m not a bad person! LMAO !! 😉 T.


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