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idiotprufs

Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

Dear Purveyor of Opinions


monkey
Dear purveyor of opinions,

I think it is absolutely adorable that you think I care what your opinion is.

I don’t. I don’t care at all–not even a little.

I view your opinions as gnats buzzing around my head; irritants to be swatted away and if possible, crushed.

It’s not the sheer stupidity and ignorance contained within your opinions that I find so objectionable. It’s more the level arrogance and brazenness in which you disseminate your opinions.

I would listen to virtually anyone’s opinion before I would listen to yours. If there are 7.7 billion people in the world, yours would be 7.7 billionth opinion to which I would listen.

I would even listen to opinions in languages I don’t understand, (which frequently includes English) before I would listen to your opinion. Even if a person spoke in a language that consisted of nothing but clicks and whistles, I would sit and listen with an empathetic countenance, nodding, and adding an occasional, “that’s a good point,” to the mix.

I would listen to the opinions of parrots before I would listen to yours. At least when a parrot says something birdbrained, it’s because it has the brain of a bird. What’s your excuse?

Or one of those monkeys that knows sign language. Even if that monkey was hurling its feces at me as it was signing its opinion, I would find it preferable to your opinion. I would rather be hit in the face with monkey crap than listen to your opinion.

You remind me of Bluto from the Popeye cartoons, but without the couth. Bluto is couther than you. A loudmouthed cartoon blowhard has more couth than you. That’s crazy.

I’m sure you have opinions about this post…I don’t care.

It’s my hope that my stance on the matter has been made sufficiently clear.

Thank you for your time.

opinions

Couther than you.

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7 thoughts on “Dear Purveyor of Opinions

  1. Did you say something?

    Like

  2. I clicked the Like button. Not that you care, of course, but I’m heavily invested in my narrative (in which you were talking about everyone but me.)

    Like

  3. Me- Red Panda! I demand you to value my opinion!

    Panda- Sighs, ignores me & walks away.

    Me- Don’t you dare walk away from me, Panda!

    Panda- 😢

    Me- PANDAAA! 🀬

    -Crickets chirping-
    β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”
    Well I did everything I could, didn’t I? πŸ˜‚

    Like

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