Tran and Penn: the Sylvanias
William Tran Penn.
It occurred to me the other day, that if the William Penn, founder of the English colony of Pennsylvania, had been named William Tran, then I would currently be residing in the great Commonwealth of Transylvania.
Wouldn’t that be awesome!
The Sylvanias have so much in common.
Bram Stoker’s fictional character Dracula.
Dracula was based the real-life ruler Vlad the Impaler. Vlad Dracula was known for committing many acts of brutality, his favorite being impaling his enemies on stakes.
There are numerous tourist attractions around Transylvania connected to Vlad.
Bran Castle, a tourist attraction associated with Vlad the Impaler. (I wonder if pigeons poop on it,)
We have a statue of Rocky.
Statue of Rocky. (Pigeons definitely poop on it.)
Rocky Balboa is a fictional character created by actor and filmmaker Sylvester Stallone, (himself known for brutal acts of annunciation) based on the real-life boxer Chuck Wepner.
Real-life boxer Chuck Wepner. (Pigeons wouldn’t dare.)
Transylvania is often thought of as eerie.
An eerie church in Transylvania. (Pigeons are afraid to poop here.)
We have a place literally named Erie!
Erie, Pennsylvania: it may be spelled differently, but it’s just as creepy. (Pigeons don’t poop here, but the seagulls crap on everything.)
Transylvania is romanticized as place inhabited by supernatural creatures such as vampires, werewolves, and monsters.
Abott and Costello knew all about these monsters.
We have a groundhog the predicts the freaking weather.
Abott and Costello knew almost nothing about Punxsutawney Phil.
There’s a bunch of other similarities between Pennsylvania and Transylvania involving steel production, ethnic and religious backgrounds, and geographical features, but that crap is all boring.
So I’ll leave you with the one striking difference between Pennsylvania and Transylvania.
The Transylvania State football team is just a bunch of tiny, slow-footed, pasty-faced, European guys.
Penn State great Franco Harris smashing through the Transylvania State offensive line.
idiotpruf 
Transylvania State may be a just a bunch of pasty and slow-footed European dudes, but after they impale a few players on the opposing team, they usually cruise to victory.
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It is hard to game plan against impaling.
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You know… I think I see a resemblance—something in the nose… What if William Penn was a direct descendant of Vlad? You’ve uncovered a conspiracy! Ancient secrets!
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Pennsylvania may have been founded by ancient aliens.
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It explains so much.
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But how are the Sylvania’s related to the televisions? Did Vlad invent the television?
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He did invent the television. It’s sad that everyone focuses on his impaling people.
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Sad, isn’t it? You lop off a few heads and suddenly you’re a bad guy
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The police get a warrant to dig in your backyard and neighbors shun you. It’s terrible.
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