Origami Chrysanthemums are Hard
Just your average boring penis-shaped condom.
In my last post, Poop Flinging Monkeys and Origami Condoms, I detailed some of the bizarre spending habits of the National Institute of Health. Not the least of which was a 2.4 million dollar grant for the development of an origami condom.
The inventor of the origami condom, Daniel Resnic, claimed that his silicone-based condom was designed to increase sensation, and solve the age old problem that most condoms can’t be folded into the shape of a chrysanthemum.
Alas, Daniel Resnic has been accused of fraud, and ordered to repay the funds.
It’s been alleged that Mr. Resnic misspent millions of taxpayer dollars on trips to Costa Rica, lavish parties at the Playboy mansion, full-body plastic surgery, a condo in Provincetown, Mass., and patents for numerous “get-rich-quick” schemes.
Whether or not one of those “get-rich-quick” schemes involved convincing the National Institute of Health to give him a 2.4 million dollar grant to develop a condom that can be folded into the shape of a chrysanthemum remains undetermined.
Regarding the oddities of some of his expenditures, such as full-body plastic surgery, Mr. Resnic replied, “Do you really think you can fold your penis into the shape of a chrysanthemum without massive plastic surgery–origami chrysanthemums are hard.”
It is rumored that it was an employee of Mr. Resnic who turned over hundreds of pages of documents supporting allegations of fraud.
Note: in an unconfirmed and unsubstantiated rumor–and likely a product of my faulty imagination–it’s reported that the initial scrutiny of Mr. Resnic was brought to bear when the director of the NIH, upon using Mr. Resnic’s origami condom, was unable to unfold his penis from the shape of a chrysanthemum–origami chrysanthemums are hard.
However, Mr. Resnic claims the employee who turned over the documents, is himself guilty of misusing grant funds. He has demanded the employee, “Make restitution to my company of the stolen monies ($487,377.32) at one dollar ($1.oo) /week, by personal check, sent by U.S. mail, until the funds are recovered.”
When asked why he would choose a payment method that would take nearly 10,000 years to complete, he simply replied, “Are you kidding? That’s how long it’s going to take to get my penis untangled–origami chrysanthemums are hard.”
Origami chrysanthemums are hard.
idiotpruf 
Meanwhile, another grant is probably being considered to develop a new variety of penis-shaped chrisantemums.
LikeLike
I’m already working on it.
LikeLike
It’s the very reason I didn’t use the word difficult.
LikeLike
*focuses on the most important aspects of the discussion* You said ‘hard’! *snicker*
LikeLike
One in the size of an elephant’s trunk would be flattering and fund species protection efforts.
LikeLike
You could have a dual meaning for the word protection.
LikeLike
Well, Chrysanthemum condom – is that a new 50 shades-product?
LikeLike
then it should be hard …
LikeLike
I certainly hope not.
LikeLike
What’s the big deal? I have awoken with a number of my organs folded into various origami shapes.
And I didn’t need a $2.2 million NIH grant to boot: just a bottle of bourbon.
LikeLike
You can make a great dragon out of our pancreas.
LikeLike
Let me refer you to my post on this very subject:
LikeLike
Um…I got nothing. Well, except for the number of a urologist.
LikeLike
Normally people refer me to mental health professionals.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pfft. And I’M on the verge of being fired for being “”unhappy”” (aka “”lazy””)… I’m not lazy! – I write a blog!
LikeLike
I’m lazy and I write a blog.
LikeLike
As for the untangling, I would definitely NOT recommend a scissor.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We may need another 2.4 million dollars worth of research to solve that problem.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s best left to professionals, but I’m not sure if health covers it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Alas, this one bad apple sets the science of origami condoms back decades. We’ll be stuck with having to make our own origami flowers out of basic rubbers.
I wonder what other scientific break throughs have been lost to humanity because the scientists have been off partying in Costa Rica.
LikeLike
He was also working on an anal condom-so much lost potential.
LikeLike
We really should lock these scientists in a lab somewhere and tell them to get to work.
LikeLike
It’d be like The Manhattan Project with slightly less nuclear fallout.
LikeLike
But maybe more little scientists running around the lab – at least until the scientists finally get the condoms working.
LikeLike