idiotpruf

Unicorns and Dennis Rodman: It’s Science

Archeologists from the Academy of Social Services of North Korea’s History Institute have made an important discovery: they have discovered a unicorn lair. (I’m not making this up) The report says that they have “reconfirmed” the presence of the lair. Apparently the ancient Korean King Tongmyong rode a unicorn.

An artist’s rendition of the king’s unicorn. His name was sparkle; he hated his name.

Why is this the first I’m hearing about this? There was nothing about a unicorn riding, ancient North Korean king, in any history book I ever read. How do you leave that out?

As it turns out, this wasn’t the only bizarre revelation uncovered by North Korean scientists:

• Unicorns are not only real, but they’re always griping about how zebras are such sissies.
• Trix aren’t for kids; they really are for rabbits.
• Dennis Rodman is a cyborg and his multicolored hair is magic.
• If you catch a leprechaun you don’t get a pot of gold; you just get a lot of pot.
• Jerry Garcia isn’t dead: he’s in Ireland and he’s really stoned.
• Despite the moniker, Bigfoot’s feet are tiny.
• Bigfoot hates that famous picture of himself; he thinks it makes him look fat.

Bigfoot: a victim of the freshman 15 and a poor camera angle.

• Wile E. Coyote caught the Roadrunner years ago. He was served in an orange sauce, over rice, with sautéed spinach on the side.
• The chicken came before the egg, but they both preceded the first chicken omelette.
• The Great Wall of China was built by a guy just trying to keep the neighbor’s dog out of his yard.
• Trolls don’t live under bridges; they live in North East, Pennsylvania. (You know who you are.)
• The Mars Rover did find life on Mars. It was a weird little dude named Marvin.

“You make me very angry.”

• And finally: The Onion was right: Kim Jong Un is the sexiest man alive.

“Where’s my unicorn?”

Isn’t that the face of man who needs to have his own unicorn?

And maybe a few less nuclear missiles.

He can keep Dennis Rodman.

Magic!