what the hell else are you gonna do with your time?

An Unfortunate Turn of Events


This is an actual conversation I had with someone.

Her: I am so bummed out today.

There’s a long pause as she waits for me to ask her why she so bummed out. I don’t want to her why she’s so bummed out because experience has taught me that I won’t care. Entering this conversation would be like willfully jumping into quicksand. But the weight of her stare wears me down.

Me: why are you so bummed?

Her: I totaled my car last night.

Another long pause.

Me: I’m sorry, is there more.

Her: I was driving home from work last night and I was hammered.

Me: so you totaled your car because you were drunk?

Her: No. I didn’t total my car because I was drunk. (she snaps at me.)

Me: sorry.

Her: so I was texting…

Me: you totaled your car because you drunk and texting.

Her: would you let me finish?

Me: go ahead.

Her: so then I dropped my phone and it fell on the passenger side floor. I bent over to reach it, but it had bounced under the seat and I couldn’t quite reach it and hang on to the steering wheel. So I did the only thing I could: I let go of steering wheel so I could reach it. I went off the road and smashed into a guard rail.

Me: that is an unfortunate turn of events…and completely unavoidable.

Her: I know.

Me: what did you say to the police?

Her: there weren’t any police, I just drove home.

Me: but you said your car was totaled.

Her: It is–the muffler what completely ripped off the car.

Me: what do you think totaled means?

Her: I don’t know.

Me: obviously. Here’s what I want you to do: contact your insurance company and tell them exactly what you told me, they’ll get a kick out of it.

Her: I don’t have insurance.

Me: why would you?

For all the people out there who don’t have to travel the roads of western Pennsylvania, be thankful.

car accident




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12 thoughts on “An Unfortunate Turn of Events

  1. She smashed the car’s front and tore off the muffler? There’s got to be even more to her story.


  2. Humans can be so stupid! I’m glad I’m not one of them!


  3. If Idiotprufs means proof of idiots, you just had a conversation that proves that God keeps making better idiots.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sounds like one of the kids at our high school. He was high and texting. Reached down for the phone and hit one of the women directing traffic. She was hurt but recovered. I don’t think he graduated. Hopefully, we don’t drive in the same direction. (Or he’s incarcerated somewhere)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for the chuckle!!


  6. I know you probably don’t want to converse with this person again, and I don’t blame you… but could you maybe give me their number? So I can tell them to never ever ever drive again, under penalty of death by pointy stick?

    Liked by 1 person

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