An Unfortunate Turn of Events
This is an actual conversation I had with someone.
Her: I am so bummed out today.
There’s a long pause as she waits for me to ask her why she so bummed out. I don’t want to her why she’s so bummed out because experience has taught me that I won’t care. Entering this conversation would be like willfully jumping into quicksand. But the weight of her stare wears me down.
Me: why are you so bummed?
Her: I totaled my car last night.
Another long pause.
Me: I’m sorry, is there more.
Her: I was driving home from work last night and I was hammered.
Me: so you totaled your car because you were drunk?
Her: No. I didn’t total my car because I was drunk. (she snaps at me.)
Her: so I was texting…
Me: you totaled your car because you drunk and texting.
Her: would you let me finish?
Me: go ahead.
Her: so then I dropped my phone and it fell on the passenger side floor. I bent over to reach it, but it had bounced under the seat and I couldn’t quite reach it and hang on to the steering wheel. So I did the only thing I could: I let go of steering wheel so I could reach it. I went off the road and smashed into a guard rail.
Me: that is an unfortunate turn of events…and completely unavoidable.
Her: I know.
Me: what did you say to the police?
Her: there weren’t any police, I just drove home.
Me: but you said your car was totaled.
Her: It is–the muffler what completely ripped off the car.
Me: what do you think totaled means?
Her: I don’t know.
Me: obviously. Here’s what I want you to do: contact your insurance company and tell them exactly what you told me, they’ll get a kick out of it.
Her: I don’t have insurance.
Me: why would you?
For all the people out there who don’t have to travel the roads of western Pennsylvania, be thankful.