Beaker vs. Bieber: A Tale of the Tape
Muppet vs. Moppet
I stumbled upon this post from a few years ago and it made me chuckle. So here it is again.
There’s no denying it; it’s the question that we’ve all been asking ourselves.
It’s the question that haunts our dreams and torments our waking hours.
It’s the debate that has fractured marriages, ruined friendships, and spoiled countless family barbeques, when bitter arguments conclude with a meat fork in the side of Uncle Al’s head.
It has catalyzed barroom brawls, riots in the streets, and led to the declaration of martial law in Schenectady, New York.
It has resulted in a flood of 911 calls from people who are dazed, confused and in search of answers (and one guy who couldn’t find his car keys).
It has resulted in a flood of harried 911 operators (and one 911 operator who angrily uttered the phrase, “how should I know where your ****ing car keys are).
What is this debate: who would win in a throw-down between Justin Bieber and Beaker the muppet?
Let’s compare and contrast:
Origin
Beaker: He was created by Jim Henson in 1977.
Bieber: He was born in London, Canada in 1994.
Childhood
Beaker: He was sewn into full adulthood and hasn’t aged a day since.
Bieber: He grew up in Stratford, Canada. (By grew up, I mean he got chronologically older.)
Operation
Beaker: He is operated by puppeteer who has a hand up his butt.
Bieber: Exactly the same.
Communication
Beaker: He speaks a language that seems to consist of only the word “meep” repeated over and over.
Bieber: He sings songs about…frankly I have no idea.
Occupation
Beaker: He works as lab assistant for Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.
Bieber: He sings songs about…I’ve still got nothing.
Appearance
Beaker: He always has a wild bug-eyed stare.
Bieber: He always looks stoned.
Strengths in a fight
Beaker: Working for Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, he’s been blown up, electrocuted, set on fire, shrunk, and deflated. Due to this he has developed an incredible resiliency.
Bieber: His many tussles with the paparazzi, glass doors, and a pissed off Selena Gomez, have toughened him.
Weaknesses in a fight
Beaker: He is primarily made of felt.
Bieber: He is Justin Bieber.
idiotpruf 
The piece of orange felt that just recently became our president?
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Does that make Miss Piggy Hillary?
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I LOVE BEAKER!! he’s my fav !! 🙂
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Evidently, so does Selena Gomez.
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This is funny 😂 I’m taking beaker. You’ve got my follow. Check out my comedy blog and give it a follow if you like it!
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It’s Beaker by a nose–a big orange fluffy nose.
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I’ve only heard of one guy who was stoned and lived to tell the tale — and it wasn’t Bieber.
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I’m sure Paul appreciates the comparison.
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😉
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I think it’s a real shame that Justin Bieber gets a hard time from people all the time. Pick on someone your own size. Ffs.
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Amazingly, Justin Bieber is exactly my size.
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Well then maybe you could ask him out for a trek around miniture world and go for some some milk shake and candy floss afterwards.
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Already have.
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Well I hope it all works out for you both. I think I heard on the news he is hanging africans from trees and burning them on crosses now. I think maybe people are mistaken, I recon it was a repressed attempt at a joke, being famous and in the press I doubt really helps peoples social skills and definitions of the acceptable and the innapropriate. I heard Beaker is a Klansman now too, but that didn’t get on the radio, now thats prejudice.
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Hey! Are you from Schenectady? Not asking as a stalker. I’m upstate NY too! Howdy neighbor”
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I am actually from western New York by Lake Erie, but my parents lived near Potsdam for several years which is way upstate.
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I know both areas well. I currently live in Rochester.
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Frankly, I’m with my humans on Beiber. Only dogs are more irritating. *(tail flap)*
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Even dogs aren’t as irritating as Bieber.
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That’s fur sure! (*[tail flap]*)
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LMAO – You had me at “Muppet”. I am not even kidding: http://wp.me/p4eZuF-eS (Dare I say “Great minds think alike”? 😉
Someone really needs to create an “I FLIPPIN’ LUV THIS” button. Why hasn’t this happened yet!??
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I guess WordPress isn’t as progressive in their thinking as you are.
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Yay, Beaker!
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Beaker deserves a break after all the crap Dr. Bunsen Honeydew has done to him.
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Beaker will when hands down. Bieber will be too stoned.
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That seems to be the consensus.
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