The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

That’s Why

idiotprufs hugh grant julia roberts

Be careful Hugh, it’s a trap.

You’re sitting there casually watching the chick flick of her choice. It’s not a bad movie, you’re enjoying its whimsical humor. About two-thirds through the movie, just as you’ve become emotionally invested in the characters, she suddenly turns to you and pops this landmine under your feet: do you think Julia Roberts is more pretty than me?

The following conversation results:

Her: Do you think Julia Roberts is prettier than me?

(You hear the landmine click, you’re afraid to move.)

You: Um…I don’t know.

Her: It’s a simple question. Do you think she’s prettier than me or not?

You: Of course not, you’re much prettier.

(You think you may have defused the landmine, but you’re still afraid to take a step.)

Her: Why are you being a liar?


Her: If you think she’s pretty you can say so.

You: Okay. I think Julia Roberts is attractive.

Her: Which is it? Is she pretty or is she attractive?’

You: What’s the difference?

Her: If you don’t know the difference between the two words, how can properly use either one?

You: I guess I would say she’s very attractive.

Her: Oh, so now she’s very attractive. Is she gorgeous?

You: I guess to some guys.

Her: What kind of guys?

You: Guys who…have the ability of sight.

(Several moments of uncomfortable silence.)

Her: I guess you wish I looked like Julia Roberts.

You: No. I don’t need a girl who’s gorgeous, you’re fine.

(The sheer stupidity of the statement hits you immediately before she does.)

Her: Do you want to know what I wish?

You: I sincerely doubt it.

Her: I wish you looked like Hugh Grant.

You: I wish I looked like Hugh Grant.

Her: You do?

You: Sure. Then I could find a girlfriend that looks like Julia Roberts.

(Deafening silence. You can’t stand on the landmine much longer before your legs give out.)

Her: Maybe I should just make an appointment with a plastic surgeon tomorrow, and get all my horrible flaws fixed.

You: Don’t bother, the plastic surgeon can’t fix bitchy.

(Boom! Body parts are everywhere.)

And that’s why you’re still single.

Note: How did the movie end? I’ll bet Hugh got the girl didn’t he?

cupid fat idiotprufs

Bend over, buddy, I need a big target.


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40 thoughts on “That’s Why

  1. Julia Roberts is one of the most “plain-Jane” average-looking actresses I’ve ever seen.


  2. A Hearty Nomad on said:

    Holarious just gigggled all the way through!


  3. I wonder if Julia Roberts asks her husband if he thinks Scarlet Johanson looks prettier than her.


  4. Granola on said:

    Can I have a guy who looks like Jimmy Stuart or Humphrey Bogart? I mean, if we’re all wishing for our favorite actors…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think I might love you a little bit! Thanks for liking some of my stuff too. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. To be fair, I also wish I looked like Hugh Grant.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Usually when I get into fights with my guy about looks it’s because I’m just TOO pretty, you know? It’s always like, “GAHH why don’t you understand how HARD life is being THIS attractive.” And then I go stare at myself for like three hours in the mirror or until I pass out, whichever comes first.

    Sidenote: An angel cries every time someone starts Notting Hill and doesn’t see the ending.


  8. LMAO at “No. I don’t need a girl who’s gorgeous, you’re fine.”
    Your blog is so funny. 😉 Happy Valentine’s Day!


  9. LOL! That is sad but true. My husband would say something really awful like, “no she’s not attractive. I’m only attracted to ugly women.” Like an idiot I’d feel better for a moment and then I’d realize…Hey!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I think the guy in your scenario handled it perfectly. Don’t ask a question that you really don’t want the answer to.


  11. That’s an unwinnable situation. Even for someone as suave as Hugh Grant.

    I’m starting to think I let my husband off too easily. I never pose questions like that, and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Hmm, maybe I’m not trying hard enough…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Ah, the landmine happens to me as a married man too many times. You’d think I’d have learned by now but I haven’t. However, I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself a lot more than I use to. For my own safety, of course. I can’t wait for your next blog post about when she says “oh, I don’t want anything for my birthday” and what it really means.


  13. Code Red! Get a six-pack of beer into this man, stat! OMG, I can’t even bear to look… oh,wait, that’s because I’m doubled over laughing.


  14. lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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