idiotpruf

I’ve Missed Again

My life is littered with regrets.

• The time I saw that pretty girl and didn’t introduce myself.
• The time I saw that pretty girl and did introduce myself. (The pepper spray was entirely uncalled for.)
• Every time I’ve uttered the phrase ‘what’s the worst that could happen’ right before doing something.
• The time as a child I tried to melt Play-Doh on the stove.
• The time as an adult I tried to melt Play-Doh on the stove. (I’m not sure what I thought would have changed, certainly not smoke alarms.)
• The time my uncle told me to grab the electric fence behind my grandmother’s house…and I listened to him.
• The shocking amount of times I’ve underestimated the power of electricity.
• The time I was asked by a woman “how stupid do you think I am” and I gave a quantifying answer.
• The time a woman asked me to guess her age and I answered her honestly.
• The sheer disappointment certain to be felt by anyone searching for the Phil Collins classic Missed Again, and this blog is what they find instead.
• The sheer disappointed this blog causes in general.
• My Hello Kitty phase. (I’m just joking about this one–I regret nothing!)
• That I have once again missed National Toothache Day.

That’s right. February 9th was National Toothache Day and I’ve completely missed it. The decorations never made it out the box. And I completely forgot about the traditional National Toothache Day dinner: Gummi Bears, Mountain Dew, and a big heaping bowl of molasses, followed by poor oral hygiene.

I’d say don’t cry over spilled milk, but National Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day was February 11th. I Missed that one too!

I’m starting to feel anxious, but National Stress Day isn’t until November 4th.

You have no idea how much that stresses me out!

From this point forward I’m marking my calendar.

I’ve already circled March 5th: National Multiple Personality Day. Last year I relied on one of my other personalities to remind me, but the only thing they ever tell me is to kill again.

But this year, we’ll be ready.

“You’ve missed again, idiotpruf.”