Dear Critic
Due to recent events, I believe it’s time to dust-off this post from several years ago.
Dear critic,
I want to extend my deepest apologies to you. I know that I have failed you, as a blogger, and as a man.
I understand that my blog is not what you desire it to be.
But know this: I feel your pain.
Every time I stumble upon a blog about a person dealing with their battle with depression, I think to myself: why aren’t you blogging about pumpkins, or carving pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns, or pumpkin pie, or any gourd based pastry? How dare you blog about something that is important to you?
Every time I come across a blog about photography, I think: why so many pictures? Mountains, rivers, trees, children at play, it nauseates me? Why aren’t you blogging about foot fungus or calligraphy? Why aren’t you blogging about foot fungus, written in calligraphy? Shame.
I recently found a blog devoted strictly to the music of the Beatles. I know what you’re thinking: what about the Spice Girls? When are Scary, Sporty, Baby, Ginger, and Posh going to get their due? I have always felt that Victoria Beckham doesn’t get nearly the amount of press she deserves. You can suck up to Sir Paul McCartney all you want; he isn’t going to be your friend.
And when I find a blog about food, I think: why aren’t you blogging about your collection of toenail clippings? And if you don’t have a collection of toenail clippings, why not? All you need are toenail clippers, a mason jar, and a bit of a creepy bent. Time is wasting.
When I discover a blog about politics, I think: why aren’t you blogging about mimes…strike that, mimes suck.
You took me to task for not commenting on the Charlie Hebdo incident. You felt that, I, as a humor blogger (as lighthearted and funny as mass murder is) had a duty to stand up for freedom of speech. But isn’t freedom of speech also the right to choose what not to write about?
Note: Sorry, I was starting to make a serious point there. I will now counter it with a goofy image of baby chicks in jester hats.
That’s better.
And finally, when I come across a blog devoted to criticizing other blogs, I think: well done, you are doing yeoman’s work. Keep it up, you make the sun shine brighter.
So dear critic, in the future I will strive to do better.
Best regards,
idiotprufs
P.S. Oscar Wilde once wrote that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and yet the highest form of intelligence. If it the case that sarcasm is beyond your grasp: you suck.
Don’t worry Victoria, we’ll get your face out there.
idiotpruf 
Wonderfully written
LikeLike
I enjoy the sarcastic tone of the article and the graphic of Jay Sherman.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s the way I like my critics: animated.
LikeLike
We’re far too hamstrung by political correctness to believe freedom of speech still exists.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can say anything you want…from your gulag cell.
LikeLike
That’s an oxymoron.
LikeLike
I am a moron, oxy or otherwise.
LikeLike
And as Dorothy said, ‘there’s no place like home’
LikeLiked by 1 person
She wore gaudy red slippers.
LikeLike
What do critics know anyway, it is just their opinion. Thanks for the post.
LikeLike
Critics are brilliant, just ask one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to live by Victoria Beckham’s philosophy that smiling gives you wrinkles which I still believe. If anyone deserves a reality show it’s her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
She doesn’t smile because she hasn’t eaten in ten years.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think I may borrow your niche “The Art of the Spice (Girls). Stop. Right Now. Thank you very much. Following
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s all yours.
LikeLike
zigazig ah!
LikeLike
ha ha the funniest thing I’ve read today)) of course, after looking over my own posts
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad you’re not a critic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I nearly screamed bloody murder when I thought this post was taking a turn for the serious, but thank god you stuck in the chickens in jester hats just in the nick of time. That was some nice nimble blogging!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Chicks in jester hats make everything better.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, I’m glad to see you’re treating this complaint with the seriousness it deserves.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Taking everything seriously is my curse.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Paul Davies Cartoons and commented:
For those of you cheesed off with my variation on a Russian Border Guard running theme here’s a blog that I enjoyed with some comments that resonate. Makes a change from the Guards…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Anyone who posts Chicks in jester hats gets their apology immediately accepted.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll have to remember that; I seem to anger people fairly often.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOVE your response(s)! Cattitude at its best!!😸(You sure you’re not a kat?)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not nearly clever enough to be a cat.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Well, you definitely have cattitude, DUDE- that’s the IMPORTANT part!!😸*(trills)*
LikeLiked by 1 person
Victoria will always love you. Just keep posting the left side of her face and you’re good.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Was the right side scarred in some horrendous farming accident?
LikeLike
You would think that since she only poses for photos with her left face showing. It must be tough to have a best side. So much easier to be mediocre from any angle. 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Maybe she’s two dimensional.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you overrate her number of dimensions.
LikeLike
Just trying to spice things up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved it. Where is this blog criticizing other blogs? I want on that list.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I honestly don’t remember the name of it, it wasn’t worth wasting any brain cells on remembering it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Expectations! No one told me there were EXPECTATIONS for my blog! I’ll have to remove the complaints department.
Chicks after my own heart. Awwww. They live at Wits End with me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always have great expectations. Or some other thing Charles Dickens wrote. He was pretty damn good at it.
LikeLike
Perfect….(except for the touch of “Spice” photo 😉 ) lol!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I should have gone with cumin, you always go with cumin.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Best one liner of my morning lol!
LikeLike
How disappointing, I was going for best one liner of the week.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What about foot-toenail-fungus-collection?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s all yours as a blogging topic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe as a second blog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
why didn’t you show us a picture of Victoria Beckham’s foot fungus? Thanks to this article, that is what I shall devote my blog to for the rest of eternity…unless I don’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Victoria’s foot fungus was just too disturbing.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Damn!
I was so looking forward to your commentary on mass murderers and foot fungus.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It is stunning how frequently foot fungus leads to mass murder.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sounds like you were visited by a troll. Or perhaps you’re trolling yourself. That would be the ultimate in dastardly mischief.
“foot fungus, written in calligraphy”—Ha. Take that, Lotrimin.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This is sort of the culmination of multiple criticisms.
LikeLiked by 2 people
LOL! I love this. That’s me too, failing to live up to people’s expectations, over and over again. Or as some have put it, “You have withered crops and shamed the ancestors!” That is my most awesome complaint ever. What can I say, my bad. 😉
LikeLiked by 3 people
I strive to wither crops, that’s awesome.
LikeLiked by 2 people
When you strive, we high-five. *high-fives herself and misses*
Now back to my blog where I’ll be writing about crafting using toilet paper rolls and spit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t wait to read that, and maybe try it out myself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A tip: use your own spit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Less fun, but okay.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I remember VB when she did look like that but doesn’t look much like that any more; she’s more full of chemicals than a shell garage.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Then once again I’ve failed.
LikeLike
You rock… foot fungus pics to follow
LikeLiked by 2 people
Isn’t that what we all want?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Of course 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person