idiotprufs

Illegal in 38 states–frowned upon in the rest.

“Experts”

expertOurs is a nation whose shores are teeming with experts. They are vital to our existence. We could barely function on daily basis if not for these titans of knowledge, and purveyors of wisdom. We know these things because it’s what they tell us.

We expect much of our experts, and they tell us much:

  • They tell us what to do.
  • They tell us what not to do.
  • They tell us what to think.
  • They tell us what not to think.
  • They tell us where we should go.
  • They tell us where we shouldn’t go.
  • They tell us what we should or shouldn’t be thinking, while doing what we should or shouldn’t be doing, on way to somewhere we should or shouldn’t be going.
  • They tell us not to be long winded.
  • The tell us not to be abrupt.
  • They tell us not to make things too complicated.
  • They tell us not to make things too simple.
  • They tell us what to say.
  • They tell us what not to say.
  • They tell us not to pronounce the T in the word often.
  • But when they tell us, they pronounce the T in the word often.
  • And they do it often.
  • They tell us not to interrupt people.
  • But they interrupt us to tell us.
  • They tell us what to write.
  • They tell us what not to write.
  • They tell us not to end a sentence with a preposition.
  • But you can end a sentence with the word preposition.
  • You can do it twice in a row.
  • They tell us what to eat.
  • What not to eat.
  • How long to boil an egg.
  • How long not boil an egg.
  • Don’t boil eggs–poach them.
  • Stop! Eggs are bad for you.
  • Now they’re not.
  • Now they are again.
  • Now they’re not again, as long as you don’t put salt on them; salt is very bad for you.
  • Now it’s not.
  • They complain constantly about office politics and their pointy-haired boss.  (Sorry, that’s not what experts do–that’s what Dilbert does.)
  • They don’t bother to tell us not to wash our hair with flea and tick shampoo.
  • They assume some people wouldn’t be stupid enough to wash their hair with flea and tick shampoo.
  • They tell us to read labels carefully, so you don’t accidentally cover your head with liquid pesticide.
  • They can bite me.
  • They tell us what to read.
  • They tell us what not to read.
  • Starting with seemingly endless and annoying lists.
  • When we feel miserable, they tell us why we feel miserable.
  • When we don’t feel miserable, they tell us why we should feel miserable.
  • When we feel happy, they knock some sense into us, so we can get back to the business of feeling miserable.
  • They tell us what to do to avoid death.
  • When we do what they say and die anyway, they tell our relatives why it’s not their fault.
  • And they show the importance of employing high powered lawyers, in the event that some people actually follow their advice.

If not for the tireless work of experts, how many of us would still be living under the dark veil of happiness.

Our experts must be totally exhausted.

If should happen to see an expert on the street today, stop and be sure to give him a heartfelt thank you. If you don’t know how to do that: ask him, I’m sure he’ll tell you how it should be done.Dilbert. point haired boss

 

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10 thoughts on ““Experts”

  1. Never follow what an expert say’s! Because if we did ..we’d all be rich and famous! But if there were no followers, the Sheep Herders would all be out of work, wouldn’t they??
    At first I thought you were reciting what you weren’t allowed to do in Catholic school…not that I would know….I was a pot smoking,nympho, alcoholic by the age of 14!! and still don’t do as I’m suppose to do!! lol….explains a-lot I guess!!lol…. 🙂

    Like

  2. “If not for the tireless work of experts, how many of us would still be living under the dark veil of happiness.” I think I have a tendency to aspire towards expertness. But I wouldn’t want to take away anyone’s dark veil of happiness (it’s nice under here!), so I hope I can learn to curb those tendencies.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Let us never forget those heroes who give us long-winded, expensive, endlessly contradictory and complicated instructions on how to simplify our lives. Without their efforts, how would we know that literally everything we’re doing is wrong and literally everyone is doing it better?

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  4. Oh, was this a guest post by Michael Gove?
    “Michael Gove has refused to name any economists who back Britain’s exit from the European Union, saying that “people in this country have had enough of experts”.”FT 06/03/2016

    Liked by 1 person

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