idiotpruf

The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

10 Jun 2016
23 Comments

Does a Bee Sting in the Penis Hurt?

bee sting

“You want me to sting you where now?”

A million-dollar National Science Foundation grant was given to Cornell University so a researcher could force bees to sting him on his penis to find out how much it hurts.

Let that sink in.

The idea was inspired by an unfortunate situation when a honeybee flew up Michael Smith’s shorts and stung him. “I was really surprised that it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would,” he said. The experience got him thinking: where is the most painful place on the body to get stung by a bee?

Oddly, it didn’t get him thinking about his choice of shorts when bike riding, or his strange proclivity for rubbing flower pollen on his inner thighs before he goes bike riding.

Note: the bee found the whole experience to be horrifying. “I was just buzzing along, very busy as we’re known to be, when suddenly I was all up in this dude’s junk,” the bee said.  

With the financial support from a National Science Foundation (NSF) Graduate Research Fellowship grant to Cornell University, Smith forced honeybees to sting more than 25 locations on his body from the face to the genitals. He then rated the pain caused by each of the stings on a scale of “Ouch” to “Holy Crap, What Have I Done.”

To compel a bee to sting, it was grabbed by the wings and pressed against the desired sting location.

Note: the million-dollar research grant pales in comparison to the multi-million-dollar lawsuit filed by the bees who were “compelled” to sting Michael Smith in the penis.   

bee sting research

One million dollars being spent.

The least painful locations to be stung by a bee for Michael Smith were the skull, middle toe tip, the upper arm, and in the face of some guy who happened to walk into the room at the wrong time.

The most painful places to be stung for Michael Smith were the nostril, upper lip, and the genitals.

Note: shockingly, being stung in the genitals does hurt.

Also painful for Michael Smith was the broken nose that resulted when the guy who got stung when he happened to walk into the room at the wrong time, punched him in the face.

Michael originally had his eyeball on the list of body parts to be stung but was talked out of it by his advisor Tom Seeley.

Note: I think it’s safe to say, despite the advice about the eyeball, as an advisor, Tom Seeley has failed Michael Smith miserably.  

Michael concedes this study is limited by its low sample size: one person, himself.

“It is possible that if other people were tested, they would not rank the painfulness of the stings in the same way or perceive pain similarly by location. It is also possible a female researcher may rate being stung in her penis or scrotum very differently,” Michael stated.

Did I mention how miserably Michael Smith’s advisor failed him?  

In case you’re wondering, these methods do not conflict with the Helsinki Declaration, which is a set of ethical principles for research involving human subjects developed by the World Medical Association.

In an “unrelated” experiment, researchers from Brown University set out to see if they could convince some moron from Cornell to compel bees to repeatedly sting him in the penis.

Helsinki is looking into it.

Addendum:

The assertion that Michael Smith rubs flower pollen on his inner thighs before he goes bike riding is purely speculation on my part…but he probably does.

bee sting penis

I think I see where Michael Smith went wrong.

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23 thoughts on “Does a Bee Sting in the Penis Hurt?”

  1. Tal Hartsfeld on said:

    If this research is federally-funded then it’s a no-brainer why the country is in such a sad state economically.
    We waste time blaming the welfare system, Medicare/Medicaid, the Food Stamp programs, corporate bailouts, tax cuts, and the like
    …then read shit like this which reminds us that government waste is far more widespread than just what gets mentioned in the popular media.

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  2. Anonymous on said:

    Biggest problem I see is killing those animals for this worthless experiment when the worlds bee population is at an all time low to begin with.

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  3. cat9984 on said:

    Before I started reading, I was sure this was going to involve an ex-girlfriend getting even. (You have to admit my idea makes more sense.)

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  4. actualconversationswithmyhusband on said:

    I must have reached the end of the internet.

    I can tell because this, I’m sure, is the last previously unknown fetish. Forcing bees to sting your junk.

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  5. stacieinaz on said:

    Hysterical

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  6. Ladybuggz on said:

    That’s just too funny! What an Idiotic Macicist. DSM criteria for sexual masochism include recurrent intense sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors involving real acts in which the individual with the disorder is receiving psychological or physical suffering, pain, and humiliation.
    I’d get paid to do that…. to someone else 🙂 !

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  7. Margarita on said:

    I guess the experiments I submit for consideration are not moronic enough to win million dollar grants. (Sigh…)

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Elyse on said:

    I often read about these weird experiments. Usually, there is actually a credible scientific reason for doing them. For example, the shrimp on a treadmill was actually a homemade device and the researchers were studying the effects of water pollution levels on the shrimp which are the ocean’s version of canaries in the mine.

    But I’ll be damned if I can figure out the point of this one (and I had to look up that one)

    Liked by 2 people

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