How to Make Your Wife’s Feet Stink Like Cheese
Are your wife’s feet repulsively minty fresh? Don’t worry, it can be fixed.
It’s happened again: yet another poor soul has come to this blog in search of answers to questions that I don’t readily have.
Questions that are disturbing.
Questions that aren’t the type asked in polite company.
Questions reserved for the darkened corners of dimly lit rooms in seedy establishments on the fringes of society, and sometimes on the Joy Behar Show.
It started when this search engine term led some poor wretch to my blog:
I did my best to answer that question with the post: You Found What on Your What?
Note: Again, I am just a little unsettled that the search term “sexy man riding a unicorn images” leads people to this blog, and very unsettled by who those people might be.
So now this crops up on the list of search engine terms on my stats page.
Note: I am irrationally proud of the fact the search term “monkey stink” leads people to this blog.
I’m going to do my best to aide this person, I am nothing if not filled with compassion.
First, I have a few questions of my own:
- Why?
- Seriously, why?
- Is this some bizarre fetish of which I am unaware? If it is, I choose to remain unaware.
- What type of cheese are you looking for? A soft cheese like Brie, or hard cheese like Asiago?
- Does your wife even want her feet to stink like cheese?
- Do your feet stink like cheese?
- Are you just trying to cover-up the fact that your feet stink like cheese by making your wife’s feet stink like cheese?
- Are you really that selfish?
- Are you the type of person who constantly puts himself ahead of others?
- Are you the type of person who gets in the express lane at the supermarket with a cart full of groceries, and then tries to claim that you have less than 12 items.
- Do you then try to pay for your cart full of groceries with a check, even though you haven’t any I.D. with you.
- Do you then fumble around dumbly for cash–now that you’ve ground the express lane to a torturous halt–to find that you have only a two-dollar bill and some Canadian half-pennies?
- Where the hell did you get Canadian half-pennies?
- Are you that moron who drives down the road with your seat-belt hanging out the door, making sparks on the road?
- Maybe the real problem with your wife is that you don’t satisfy her sexually. Did you ever consider that?
- Maybe what your wife needs is a good divorce lawyer.
- I’ll bet you like mimes don’t you?
- How can you like mimes, they are so irritating?
- When they do that fake crying thing, I just want to punch them in the face.
- What kind of total jackass likes mimes, and wants his wife’s feet to stink like cheese, as he screws up the express lane and drives like an idiot?
- Moron.
Anyway, try rubbing your wife’s feet with Limburger cheese. The bacterium used in the fermentation process of Limburger cheese (Brevibacterium linens) is the same bacterium that causes foot odor.
I hope this was helpful…jerk.
I hope this does it for you…weirdo.
(image source: wpclipart.com.)
idiotpruf 
Well try to get her to get back the original smell she has when she was a kid. Little girls tend to have the stinkiest feet on the planet. Smells just like stinky cheese, and even worse…trust me I know… My adorable little daughter’s feet smell awful…I even had to write a blog about it🧀🤢😷👣
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I do my best to avoid the smell.
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I once had some REALLY creepy search terms in my blog. Like somebody was looking for kiddie porn. It REALLY freaked me out! It was probably because I had SEPARATE posts that used the word “naked” and that had a photo of two kids (who were fully dressed!) hugging. Meta data can be a real b!tch.
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I had one for “naked hairy hillbillies.”
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I get some really strange search terms for my blog too, usually involving nurse porn or Bollywood sex. Lol!
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Sorry about that, I need to control my search terms.
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Lol. Perhaps the poor lad has a pizza fetish and he wants to nibble her toes
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Just as disturbing.
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My word, that’s quite a questionnaire! Thanks for liking my blog post.
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One must be thorough.
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As a woman who may one day be a wife, I was disappointed not to find detailed instructions as to how to make my feet smell like cheese. I would like them to smell like a heady Devonshire Cheddar. Can you help?
That is of course an impossible question. You won’t even have heard of Devonshire, let alone know how to make my feet smell like its cheese….
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It’s all about Limburger. Your future husband will be very happy.
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OMFG WTF bro
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Exactly.
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^_^
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Your narrative reads like my brain thinks. If that makes any sense whatsoever, which I suspect it doesn’t. I LOVE IT!
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Your brain works like mine, I’m so sorry for you.
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Ahhah, don’t be. It’s ‘quirky’ 😛
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Thank you, thank you, thank you! By some absent-minded slip of the finger you managed to like my blog (it was the monster image, wasn’t it?) which meant I had to come and find you and now I just have to follow you!
Fortunately I have no need to rub aged mature cheddar on my children’s feet as they are doing quite nicely on the old smellerometer all by themselves. Maybe I need to start feeding them mint sandwiches instead of cheese….
Fab blog – but I am so intrigued by the (mental) image of a sexy man riding a unicorn – because – you know – only persons with no carnal knowledge can tame and ride these mythical beasts…. and that thought leads to territory best not explored… at least, not on this public forum!
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I’m a sucker for weird monsters.
Sorry to hear about your kid’s feet.
You seem to know a lot about unicorns. Why is that?
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While I’d love to claim it is as a result of a misspent youth, sadly, and more prosaically it is a result of having read my way through the entire library of my small home town in England. When you’re the small nerdy kid with thick glasses and long pigtails who lives on a farm miles from anywhere you tend to read a lot. As you can see from the blog, I’m no longer nerdy or bespectacled and the pigtails gave way to an elfin crop (I’m still small), but old habits die hard and my Amazon habit could probably support a small third world country.
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Why? Why would you put these ideas into men’s heads?
I have to sleep with one eye open from now on… 😉
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It was just an act of pure thoughtlessness.
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… wtf?
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What indeed.
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That is to funny.
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Not for the wife.
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http://piyushpujara.wordpress.com
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hahahahahahahahahha. Oh my god. I’m so glad I clicked over to this.
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I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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This is great!
I just edited my blog!
Take a look and let me know what you think!
http://briannajackson1.wordpress.com/
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Thanks.
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Oh. My. Goodness. I just came across your blog during a rare quiet moment, and I am just plain belly laughing! Number #14 …. hahaha, where did that one come from? Love it!!
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Sadly, that one comes from experience.
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For a woman, her feet sure have a lot of hair on em, sure they are not your feet?
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My feet are dainty.
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if so maybe you should work for us
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lmao!!!!really funny stuff!
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Thank you, but I’m very disappointed to hear that, I was going for creepy with a slight touch of weird.
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haha
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Amazing. Just amazing. Really…….amazing.
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I take it you’re amazed.
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I knew it – the link between mime-lover and stinky feet was inescapable!
Your logic is irrefutable. 🙂
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It’s practically scientific fact.
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Oh man, give me more! 😀
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I not sure what you want more of: creepy search terms or smelly appendages?
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Search terms are always good entertainment. I did a post on mine about a year ago. Some all-time favorites on my site: “I am sexy in jungle”, “naked Ecuador man” (and many variations of that), “bare legged snowstorm” (huh?), “santa claus caught on tape 2011” (NO idea how that connected to me)……
Thanks for the funny read!!
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Be truthful, there’s a story behind “naked Ecuador man”.
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“Sexy man riding a unicorn” images….oh my hahaha!!!! I’m laughing so hard here picturing that!!!!
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I try my very best not to picture it.
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This is too hilarious. I like that you gradually ended up in a deadpan no-nonsense “Moron”. I need to stop laughing like an idiot now.
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! Deserved.
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Thank you, I think the word moron sums things nicely.
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Sometimes I wonder if the bazillions that Google makes each second are partly funded by the blackmail of certain individuals who use unfortunate search terms which are then threatened to be revealed to all on the social networks? There are questions (search terms) which just should not be asked. Ever. Even if they apply to your specific situation. Probably ESPECIALLY if they apply to your specific situation.
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I’ve only been blackmailed a handful of times.
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Resist! Resist! They can do to you only what you allow them to do. Despite what they say in their EULA or their Terms and Conditions, they do NOT own your soul if you press “accept”. My out (when necessary) is usually to invoke bacon-induced delirium. Or I blame it on the cat walking on the keyboard.
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I will definitely go with bacon induced delirium, it sounds delicious.
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HAHAHAHA!
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Exactly.
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That you give a solution is indeed the best part of this!
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You can mock and be helpful at the same time.
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the guy has a obviously a foot fetish and he is also a cheese lover. Even though I don’t see why he would seek the answer on the Internet. Just rub cheese on her feet.
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It seems simple doesn’t it?
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You’re thinking of the elbow, right?
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Uh-huh.
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I’m not Canadian but yes.
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Well, I think you’ve competently covered all pertinent questions except one, and you were probably too polite to ask it. Fortunately, I’m not.
Final question: Are you the type of person who has difficulty remembering the names of basic anatomical areas? Because… feet…? Really?
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Oh My Gosh!!!!! This is too hilarious. I was stupid enough to discuss a practice essay on my blog and it seemed, after that, the only reads I got were on that essay. It seems like I was unintentionally aiding eighty-bajillion people in cheating on their indispensable opposition (By: Walter Lippman) essay. I eventually deleted the post it got so bad. I’ve never gotten weird ones like that though…. The limburger solution made me crack up. Every Memorial day my Step Father and Step Brother eat limburger and red onion sandwiches on rye bread. Then we’re stuck in a camper with them for two more days. Limburger would definitely do it!
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I am familiar with those sandwiches. They are responsible for the original post that leads that search term to this blog.
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That is so gross. And creepy. And weird. And…
I think you hit it on the head with #16. Run lady. Run really fast…
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I seem to be a magnet to the creepy.
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