Illegal in 38 states–frowned upon in the rest.

Gaming Commission Vacates Tortoise vs. Hare Results

Check out my latest contribution to the Grimm Report.

The Grimm Report

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Sports Correspondent,
Larry Shampoe @idiotprufs

LAS VEGAS, NV–In a shocking turn of events, the Nevada Gaming Commission has vacated the results of the infamous Tortoise vs. Hare race. The gaming commission, following an extensive investigation, has determined the results to have been unduly influenced by outside manipulation.

“Our suspicions were first piqued by the fact that hares tend to be very quick animals, while tortoises tend to be extremely slow animals, almost painfully so. Have you ever found yourself stuck in line at the supermarket behind a tortoise? It’s just a nightmare,” the gaming commissioner said.

The commissioner also reported suspicious activity in wagering surrounding the race. “Basically just the idea that anyone would bet heavily on a tortoise to defeat a hare in any kind of race is highly suspicious.”

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5 thoughts on “Gaming Commission Vacates Tortoise vs. Hare Results

  1. They always find a way to fix these races. Even with urine analysis they fix the dog races by putting pebbles between toes of paws and day or two before a race at the dog track. This slows e’m up as their paws become sore but as long as no abrasions hard to prove. Poker is the best gamble because one of the few you can influence with your own wits and ability.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Clever. Very clever. Your mind works in amazing and devious ways. I’m so envious. Just as an aside, I had a rabbit named Hasenpfeffer, a Netherland dwarf rabbit. I’m pretty sure he could run the shell off a turtle, even with his diminutive legs. Yeah, I think trickery was involved from the start. Good call.


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