Petition This
I’m Batman…for now.
A resident of Westland, Michigan has filed an official petition with the Obama administration, asking the President to denounce the choice of Ben Affleck as the next Batman, and have the role recast.
The petition filer couldn’t be reached at his residence, his mother said that he was in the basement, and he didn’t want to be bothered.
Following in these footsteps of brilliance, I am now in the process of filing the following petitions:
- Sack John Kerry as Secretary of State, and replace him with Levi from the Amish Mafia.
- Replace the stodgy old image of the bald eagle on U.S. currency, with a hilarious drawing of Woody Woodpecker.
- Create a third house of Congress comprised completely with losing contestants from the Bachelorette.
- Every family in the country gets a helper monkey named Mojo.
What could be more helpful than this?
- Judge Judy: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
- Any time the President is introduced, Kid Rock’s “American Badass,” plays in the background.
- Only men who have a history of sexual deviance, may run for Mayor of New York City. (Sorry, this is already happening.)
- Anthony Weiner’s cellphone to be rigged, so it can only send or receive images from fat guys named Earl, who constantly make fun of his name.
- The closing bell on Wall Street to be replaced with a recording of Porky Pig, stammering the words, “that’s all folks.”
- Justin Bieber will be deported unless he puts his shirt back on, and stops acting like an idiot.
- President Obama will be constitutionally compelled to refer to Vice President Biden as his “Little Buddy” ala the Skipper and Gilligan.
- Ben Affleck will have the constitutional right to go to the petition filer’s home, and slap the crap out of him.
If I have missed anything, let me know.
Introducing your new congressmen (American Badass, plays in the background)
idiotpruf 
Ahahha! I’m envious of the concepts you come up with! Marvelous. Love them all! (I think we should deport Justin Beiber just cause.)
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No one has ever been envious of what comes out of my brain, you’re the first.
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Gosh really. I feel so special!
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Hi! I’ve nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award!
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That pretty much takes the cake. I can’t think of anything funny to say, but I’m afraid to be serious.
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What could be more serious than Batman?
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I like Woody, but I think Foghorn Leghorn might be a little more apt 🙂
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How could I have missed it.
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I like that Woody Woodpecker idea.
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He’s an American icon.
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Hilarious!
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And a little sad.
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Now that made me laugh. Ever been to Westland?
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I’ve never been to Westland, but it sounds like a magical place.
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It is. Especially if you like those tank tops, I think the slang reference is “wife-beaters”? And cut off jean shorts. On the guys.
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Everyone should dress that way, there should be a petition.
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I don’t care who plays Batman as long as it’s not Donald Trump…
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The Donald has already been cast as a villain with really bad hair.
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That may be the most frightening movie image EVER.
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Really? A petition for the White House about who’s not going to be the new Batman? How weird can it get? I like your list of other things to petition. And if every family does get their own helper monkey, I may be persuaded to move to the US.
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I can’t believe we don’t all have helper monkeys already.
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Of all the stupid things…
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If it weren’t for stupid things, this blog wouldn’t exist.
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Most of your stupid things are basically harmless. But this shows a deeper problem: reliance on the state to solve every little personal problem. That can bring down a country.
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Like when the cable went out in Connecticut a few days ago, and several residents called 911.
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Yeah, or having Congress investigate whether baseball players took steroids.
By the way, thinks for following Zenith Edition.
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