Illegal in 38 states–frowned upon in the rest.

Top Ten Other Things the Mayans Got Wrong

My apologies to David Letterman.

My apologies to David Letterman.

In my previous post, I detailed my displeasure with the fact that the world didn’t come a cataclysmic end on December 21st. Not only did nothing cool happen, but even worse, I was forced to finish my Christmas shopping.

I’ve discovered after doing some exhaustive research-which generally means googling something-that there were a myriad of things the Mayans got wrong.

Top Ten Other Things The Mayans Got Wrong

10)  Caddyshack 2 will be just as funny as Caddyshack.

 9) A man named Isaac Newton will be resting under an apple tree when an apple will fall on his head. He will become so irate that he invents a machine that will be used to systematically destroy all apple trees, ridding the land of the scourge of falling apples. If he has time, he might do something in physics.

 8) Queen Anne is so taken with Newton’s apple tree destroying prowess, she has him knighted. Although a great honor, he is hampered by the fact that he can now only move two spaces forward and one space over on a chess board.

 7) The common folk of 18th century England become so enraged that they can no longer obtain apples, they form a mob and throw Sir Isaac Newton over a cliff. On the way down he has a fleeting thought about something called gravity, alas it perishes with him.

 6) Without the foundation of Newtonian physics to expand upon, Albert Einstein never leaves his job as a patent clerk. He does however patent the Sham-wow and becomes filthy rich.

 5) In the early 20th century a majestic ship called the Titanic is built. It traverses the seas for centuries. However, the movie Titanic flops after the kid from “Growing Pains” is cast in the lead.

    Note: The Mayans also go on and on about Siskel but say nothing at all about Ebert. Two thumbs down Mayans.

 4) A man named J.R.R. Tolkien will write a few simple stories about some hobbits; nothing much will come of them.

 3) A mighty force called the Buffalo Bills will arise. They will win many championships called Super Bowls. At about the same time, the flames of Hell might or might not freeze over.

 2) The shoreline in a place called New Jersey, will become the epicenter for culture and wisdom in the western world. This will happen in the early 21st century and be a clear sign that the end is near.

 1) Those Spaniards seem like nice fellows; nothing bad could ever come of our relationship with them.

What? The kid in the middle? In a movie?image source:

What? The kid in the middle? In a movie?
image source:


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8 thoughts on “Top Ten Other Things the Mayans Got Wrong

  1. Brilliant as usual, my friend. Looking forward to more from you in the New Year.


  2. The Mayans definitely got their wires crossed a time or two between the THEN and the NOW. 😀

    Fun Post.


  3. I think it was all just a huge practical joke.


  4. Bloody Mayans. It’s so hard to find good prophets these days.


  5. Well, we have to give them some credit. The fact they prophesied the Sham-wow IS pretty impressive, even if they got its inventor wrong.


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