Unicorns and Other Scientific Discoveries.
Archeologists from the Academy of Social Services of North Korea’s History Institute have made an important discovery: they have discovered a unicorn lair. The report says that they have “reconfirmed” the presence of the lair. Apparently the ancient Korean King Tongmyong, rode a unicorn.
Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this? There was nothing about a unicorn riding, ancient North Korean king, in any history book that I ever read. You can’t turn around without seeing that Gangnam Style idiot jumping around North Korea, but nothing about a unicorn riding king.
As it turns out, this wasn’t the only bizarre revelation uncovered by North Korean scientists:
- Unicorns are not only real, but they’re always griping about how that Rainbow Brite unicorn is such a sissy.
- It’s not just a movie; Abraham Lincoln really was a vampire hunter.
- Trix aren’t for kids; they really are for rabbits.
- Lucky Charms cereal isn’t magically delicious; it’s just bits of marshmallow candy mixed in with crappy cereal, so that kids will eat it.
- The Lucky Charms leprechaun isn’t Irish at all; his accent is fake and he hails from New Jersey.
- Snooki is a leprechaun.
- If you catch a leprechaun you don’t get a pot of gold; you just get some pot.
- Jerry Garcia isn’t dead: he’s just really stoned.
- Mick Jagger has been dead for years; nobody has bothered to tell him.
- Ditto Keith Richards.
- Fidel Castro was one of the original members of The Beatles. He remained bitter for years; all official dartboards in Cuba have Ringo Starr’s face on them.
- Despite the moniker, Bigfoot’s feet are tiny.
- Bigfoot hates that famous picture of himself; he thinks it makes him look fat.
- Wile E. Coyote caught the Roadrunner years ago. He was served in an orange sauce, over rice, with sautéed spinach on the side.
- The chicken came before the egg, but Madonna came long before either one of them.
- Joan Rivers is a ghost.
- The Great Wall of China was built by a guy just trying to keep the neighbor’s dog out of his yard.
- Trolls don’t live under bridges; they live in Erie, Pennsylvania.
- The Mars Rover did find life on Mars. It was a weird little dude named Marvin.
- The Onion was right: Kim Jong Un is the sexiest man alive.
Isn’t that the face of man who needs to have his own unicorn?