A Hiccup cure and a Punch in the Face.
If you don’t want to be punched in the face, don’t try to cure a person of hiccups by scaring them.
Don’t get me wrong, watching one of your friends attempt to scare the hiccups out of another one of your friends, and get punched in the face, is completely entertaining.
Also, being the only person in the room who doesn’t have the hiccups or a black-eye, is weirdly satisfying.
So you won’t waste your time with a bunch of supposed hiccup cures, or get punched in the face by a startled person with hiccups; here is a list of hiccup cures, that don’t work:
Scaring someone: this will only get you punched in the face.
Tickling: this will also get you punched in the face.
Punching someone in the face: While there are several perfectly sound reasons for punching someone in the face, curing hiccups is not one of them.
A spoonful of sugar: this may work for Mary Poppins–or any Disney character who breaks into song at irritatingly inappropriate moments–but it doesn’t cure hiccups.
- A spoonful of peanut butter: this will actually give you hiccups if you don’t have them. If you already have hiccups, and you eat a spoonful of peanut butter, your esophagus will explode.
Note: I spelled esophagus correctly on the first try. I just thought you should know.
- Drinking a glass of water while standing on your head: this is something made up by your friends, so they can take your picture and post it on the internet.
Inhaling paprika: your friends are cruel liars.
Holding your breath: this will make you turn blue and pass out. You will wake up with a bump on your head, still with the hiccups, and a blurry view of your friends posting another picture on the internet.
- Putting your friend’s hand in warm water while he’s sleeping: sorry, this comes from an entirely different list. Your friends will definitely post the results of this one on the internet. A punch in the face may also be forthcoming.
- Fifty small drinks of water without taking a breath: at sip 42–yes, at exactly sip 42–you will involuntarily take a breath and inhale the water, coughing and shooting the water through your nose.
- Fifty small drinks of vodka without taking a breath: the same as above, but with the added aspect of vomiting.
- Putting your fingers in your ears: you still have the hiccups, but at least you can’t hear your friends laughing.
- Holding your tongue with your fingers: seriously.
This is the point: hiccups cannot be cured, as I established in a previous post, they are caused by gremlins. You simply have to wait for the gremlins to tire, and the hiccups will just go away by themselves. Believe it, it’s science.