It Was an Act of God?
It’s happened to everyone hasn’t it? Throughout the course of your life at some point or another you are going to set somebody’s carpet on fire. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Well, evidently it is a big deal, at least that’s what some of us have learned.
There were a few lessons learn by the great carpet fire:
- The average household vacuüm cleaner was not designed to pick up paperclips.
- Attempting to pick up paperclips with an average household vacuüm cleaner might cause it to explode.
- When the vacuüm cleaner you’re using begins to make a high-pitched whining sound, don’t ignore it, it’s about to explode.
- An exploding vacuüm cleaner sends a thick cloud of smoke and dust into the air like a mini-volcano.
- Commenting to the vacuüm cleaner’s owner that it looked really cool when it exploded, like a mini-volcano, does not help the situation.
- An exploding vacuüm cleaner creates an enormous mess while simultaneously removing your ability to clean up that enormous mess.
- An exploding vacuüm cleaner might also burst into flames.
- A burning vacuüm cleaner will probably set the carpet on fire.
- A carpet fire will probably set off the smoke alarm.
- Smoke alarms are obnoxiously loud.
- A blaring smoke alarm will bring the vacuüm cleaners owner running into the room.
- A contentious conversation might result.
Owner: Why is the smoke alarm going off?
Firestarter: Probably because of all the smoke that’s in the room.
Owner: Why is the room full of smoke?
Firestarter: It probably came from the carpet fire.
Owner: Why is the carpet on fire?
Firestarter: It spread from the vacuüm cleaner.
Owner: Why is the vacuüm cleaner on fire?
Firestarter: Act of God?
There was one more imporant lesson learned: the phrase “some day we’ll look back at this and laugh” does not always apply.
Then leave the laughing to us. Very funny. It’s good to know that when a vacuum cleaner makes “a high-pitched whining sound,” it’s best not to ignore it. Another fine piece of advice to tuck away.
You won’t get advice like that from Heloise.
my brother actually set the front room on fire as a teen. bored one day and with queer predilection for both aerosol cans and bic lighters, he wondered if the carpet fibers were as flamable as the curtains… they were… and later that day my dad ‘lit’ his backside up as well.
mike
How did he know the curtains were flammable in the first place.
not sure, but i’m sure my parents are glad he didn’t test the theory
hey if “the owner” had no issue having you, presumably a visitor, do their vacuuming for them, act of god is likely – come-uppance
Exactly.
As one with a cleaning OCD I have made a note to myself to never use my vacuum cleaners to vacuum up paperclips because the vacuum might explode and if the vacuum explodes my husband and pets will starve to death because I will never stop cleaning the resulting mess of the explosion!!! This was hilarious. It reminded me of some of the commercials I’ve seen lately for a cable tv company.
Always glad to help out whenever I can.
My youngest boy vacuumed the cat one day. We didn’t have to brush her for weeks. My boy does all of the vacuuming now.
They say no good deed goes unpunished. This is why I never vacuum.
Are you certain that’s the reason you never vacuum?
I make it a policy to avoid contentious conversations. This is why I make the kids do all the vacuuming.
I have a feeling there may be more revelations to come.
Parenting and religion are sort of terrifying that way…
Wise choice.